Buy the book. Christmas will be better and you know it.

A family of four eating dinner. It’s Christmas Eve. Suddenly, a slow, tortured knock at the door echoes through the house. Little Jimmy bounds up from the table. Gus, the loyal and protective family dog, runs after him.

“I’ve got it,” yells Jimmy.

“Hold it right there Mister,” yells the father. Jimmy stops, and Gus moves between Jimmy and the door and begins a low growl. Another knock echoes through the house.

Both parents set down their forks, stand and head to the pantry. Each parent emerges with a sawed-off shotgun.

Through the door, the beginnings or middle of a song can be heard.

I saw mommy chewing Santa…

“Lock and load people,” screams the mom.

“Aww, mom, they can’t get in through the reinforced windows…” says Jimmy. “Can’t we just listen?”

“You’ll be a good little boy and flush them out into the yard with your slingshot. And you’ll do it in 7 second intervals so mommy and daddy can get good, clean head shots, or Santa might not be happy with you.